I will give peace to your family- Second Promise.

PROMISES OF THE SACRED HEART

Sacred Heart of Jesus: Promises of the Sacred Heart Series Icon.

In this series, there will be posts on the Promises of the Sacred on each first Friday where I will focus on each promise each Month.

Although today is not a first Friday, I would like to focus our attention on the second Promise which is our focus for the month of February.

SECOND PROMISE '' I will give peace in their families''

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Our Second Promise is '' I will give peace in their families''

Peace first of all is required within myself before we are able to give that peace to other people, whether they be family members or work colleagues/ parishioners or a  stranger.

Why do we not experience peace within myself? The answers are as varied as our unique selves, and yet on many occasions, it has to do with a form of selfishness and/or one or more of the seven deadly sins being in play within ourselves.  If you wish to explore this further then I recommend that you read my 12 steps Catholic Spirituality series. Click here to read the first post of the series.

Finding the answer to our own lack of peace within ourselves can go a long way in moving towards  the second Promise ''I will give peace in their families''.

What does peace for a family mean?  Is it just an absence of argument? Unlikely, as some families can present as argument free and yet, within the family unit, each one is harbouring ill will towards another family member.  In other words, honesty and the ability to express oneself to another family member is absent. This will bring about a pseudo peace, but not the peace that Jesus will bring or wants for our families.

So we need to be prepared to look at our own family honestly. What works well in terms of relationships and what does not? Who is honest and able to express constructively his/her feelings to other members?  How do other members receive honest feedback-defensively or with gratitude.'

We are all human so each of us has their own personal flaws. When this is placed under the same roof under the title family, then there are variety of issues at play.  During February, it is worthwhile to consider personally our own issues first and then as a family consider the difficulties encountered as a group.

Each family member must want to receive the blessing of peace from Jesus- both personally and as a family group.  You may wish to pray as a group for this gift during February once your family have met together and had a chance to look at themselves individually and as a group.

IMPLEMENTING THE SECOND PROMISE IN THE FAMILY.

So, if you are the driving force for wanting change to occur in your family and wanting peace then be patient and understanding. A few suggestions to make this happen.

1 First of all pray yourself as the one wanting the change for your family.

2. Examine honestly your own behaviours/attitudes and how this may be affecting peace within the family.

3. Call the family together for a meeting- explain to them that you are wanting as a family group to explore the possibility of a greater peace within the family.  Suggest that each person have some time to examine his/her life personally and how his/her behaviour/attitudes may/may not be contributing to peace.

4. Agree on a time to meet again with the view that each one has had a chance to examine his/her own life and how it contributes positively/negatively to family peace.

5. When you meet again, light a candle and say a prayer first and then you, as the one wanting the change set the rules for the discussion- eg this is about each person being able to say what he/she wants to say without comment/ judgement from other family members.  Then allow each member the chance to share if they wish.

6. Once each member has spoken, then ask them to write down and then share  one positive step they would like the family to take towards peace. If there are 6 people in the family, then there will be six responses. Your aim is to get one response for the family. Make the responses positive and practical and age appropriate.

For example: if one problem is that the young child does not make his/her own bed and is able to do it, then one positive step towards peace is for the bed to be made each day. If a young child is not used to making the bed, then you need to make sure he/she knows how to make the bed ( practical lesson in how to do it might be useful) and then an agreed number of times during the month. (eg instead of expecting every day at first- you might say 10 times this month, 15 times next month etc).

With each suggestion ask the person who suggested it the practical application of it for the family. In other words, how do they see it working=what is their vision for this suggestion.

7. Then once everyone has made their suggestion with its practical application, then agree on one course of action as a family. Ask each family member to jot down from the suggestions which one he/she will be prepared to adopt during February.  Keep the goal in mind. Work towards one goal for the family.

8. Then finish the meeting with a pray- with gratitude to God for progress made and the grace to implement the goal.

If you are the one implementing the change in your family, be prepared for resistance and negativity towards yourself. Many people do not want to change. They do not want to make the effort. Change is mostly met with resistance. So be prepared for this, and ask God to help you through this phase as a greater good is needed in your family.

Many families who have worked through this process for each of the 12 promises have found that it did bring a greater level of understanding, respect and honesty between each member and within each family member. Some found that the skill of constructive feedback was learned  and that working towards a common goal as a family for a month brought them together.

USING THE PROMISES IN THE PARISH.

Some parishes have also used a similar process. Initially the process was slow as some parishioners embraced it whilst others resisted. Then as time went by, a momentum was created. Each group in the parish worked within their group with the promise of the month in mind.  This parish started the process over a 2 year plan, but as momentum built, finished the process in eighteen months.

USING THE PROMISES LIVING ALONE

Now what if you live on your own.  How can you do this process. You are not exempt.

Living alone has its great side and its downside too.  However, in this situation where you want to work through the 12 promises too, you can examine your own life first and then examine your life as a family member (it might be an extended family member) or if this is not possible, then do it with yourself as a family member.  I know that this may seem strange but it does work.  I live alone too.

I tackle it this way. I examine my own life (my inner life first) and then when I have my meeting with myself, I work through the process of what behaviours/attitudes are helpful/hindering me from a a greater peace/happiness.  For example- I watch more TV than probably what I need to watch. So even though I enjoy watching it personally, as a family member I take the initiative to cut out one programme and use this time to pray for the needs of the world/ families of the world or make a meal for a family in need. I also use the Promise when I am interacting with groups in the parish or when I am in the presence of a group of people.

There are many ways to work through this process whether you are single or in a family. Find a process that works for you and ask Jesus to help you understand His promises more during these 12 months.

Making a start and working positively on a Promise of Our Lord shows Jesus the desire you have for change. Ask Jesus to fulfil His Promises in your family in 2019.