Change of Heart 12 step Catholic Spirituality Series.

WELCOME BACK TO MY 12 STEP CATHOLIC SPIRITUALITY SERIES.

I started this series in September 2018 and will continue with the series this year.  If you have not read the first posts, click here to read.  This series is based on the 12 Steps of AA and could have easily been called 12 Step Christian Anon programme.  However, I prefer to think of it as a 12 Step guide to Catholic spirituality

CHANGE OF HEART

Today we continue on with Step 1 looking at Change of Heart. Last Week we discussed Human Longing.   You may wish to read that post before continuing on with today’s post as it relates to it. 

Those who want to accept Jesus as leader must learn to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow in the steps of Jesus. (MK 8:34), If we want to grow into the fullness of our human potential in Christ, we have to make the decision to turn away from behaviours and thinking patterns which have kept us ‘selfish’.

However, we first need to identify these behaviours and thinking patterns which are destructive before we can turn away from them. We need to know what they are and their effects in our lives before we can activate a change of heart through the grace of God helping us.

Here are some examples of behaviours and thinking patterns which are destructive to consider. They are of course not an exhaustive list. However they are in fact what the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church would identify as the ‘’7 deadly sins’’.

1.    Anger: There are 2 types of anger- just anger when it is possible to be angry for a just cause and unjustified anger which is, in the end destructive. I am referring here to unjustified anger.  Anger comes from unfulfilled expectations which, we are honest are often self-centred at their root. Anger in itself is an emotion but it is what we do with our anger and why we do it that can lead us into sin.

2.   Sexual irresponsibility: refers to sex outside the context of a committed relationship. Even if the other party consents to the arrangement, the capacity for developing a trustworthy, meaningful relationship with the opposite sex is weakened. Recreational sex and even sex addiction is fuelled at its root in the fire of self-indulgence.   Adultery leads to mistrust in a marriage or relationship and once trust is broken, it is enormously difficult to restore (not impossible but with serious counselling therapy).

The other aspect of sexual irresponsibility is that it is not just the physical element of sex as strong as that can be.  It is purging it from our mind as well.  It is the mind that is so very powerful. Watching TV, reading book, /magazines which promote sexual irresponsibility should also be avoided as it can weaken our own moral compass and our imagination/thoughts can lead us in the wrong direction.

3.    Gluttony: Over indulgence in food or mood-altering substances is a definite sign that we are living more on the physical than spiritual level. The way back from this is with spiritual renewal for our health and sanity.

4.    Jealousy: By lusting after the possessions of another, we erect a wall between ourselves and them. Also, materialism spawns many of our of envious desires, and materialism is usually a form of greed.  A good litmus test for jealousy is this: When one of your friends/social circles are doing well in life/ have a promotion etc and your own life at that point is having a downward turn, can you be truly happy for them? Do you say I wish it was me? You may wish it was you as everyone wants their life to be on the upward cycle.  Can you truly be pleased for them regardless of your own circumstances. If you cannot, then there is some root of jealousy at work (even if it is tiny speck- it takes root. and then there is more etc).

5.    Greed: The concept of greed means wanting more than we need and refusing to share it with others. Take for example the rich man who used to hold great dinners and yet would not offer a crumb to the beggar at his gate in the gospel.

If you are financially well off because you work hard and have legitimately earned it, greed can occur when you use your wealth to buy more than you need and/or refuse to share your good fortune with others.  Many celebrities use the expression pay it forward.  They give large donations or have a trust for an organization or two. The problem with that for them is that they let people know what they are doing. Remember we should not broadcast our good works to gain any value/grace for our own souls.

The problem with not sharing our wealth with the attitude like’’ I earned it so why should I share it with lazy people etc’’ is that it creates a morose attitude which takes root in our hearts. The point to remember here is that no man is an island- you might be doing well because you work hard and are seeing the result of your hard work but it may also change overnight- what then.. will someone come to your aid then?  Even if your financial good fortune continues because God allows it, ask yourself why you do not want to share. Often this art of sharing/not sharing is based in a childhood pattern.

6.    6. Ambition: Ambition is acceptable when we strive to do better. It becomes a problem- a selfish attitude when we do it at the expense of others. Ambition can become a pitfall when it moves us to be manipulative and oppressive as we pursue our goals.

7.    
    7..Laziness (Sloth) the opposite of ambition is equally destructive because it allows our talents to stagnate from disuse.  By refusing to develop and utilize our potential, we deny ourselves the energy and respect that comes from engaging in life. The consequence apathy and inertia are counter spiritual.

8.   8. Self-righteousness: This is the over valuing of our opinions and self-regard which leads inevitably to an inflexible righteousness. This is one of the most insidious forms of selfishness because it robs us of openness to changing other destructive behaviours.  There should be a very clear distinction here made between self confidence and healthy respect for oneself. We are not meant to be door mats either. That is not healthy either.

9.   9. Self-pity: Occasions for legitimate grief and anger can lead to self-pity if we allow them to rob us of a renewed effort to engage ourselves in life. Self-pity is usually based on deservingness that is proud and narrow minded and of course is counterproductive.

‘’Self-pity parties’’ where we have a good weep or growl about life, my life and all that is going on and which has an attitude of ‘’woe is me’’ can be useful and healthy as a means of clearing the air provided, they are not used extensively and for an extended period of time.  Where self-pity is continued on for a length of time and we do not get back into our life and attempt to make necessary changes, then this is where the problem lies.

Any of the above attitudes or combinations cause mental fragmentation and factions among our inner self and with others.  They retard our thought process and divide us from ourselves and from others.  Unless we move away from these kinds of behaviours and thought patters, we shall never achieve true inner happiness at being with right with God and with others.

What do we need to do now? At this stage in our journey we must take the important step of recognising and being aware of our attitudes and behaviours especially those which are selfish which lead to short term gain and pleasure and long-term pain.

By taking this journey we are making the commitment to spiritual growth. We must be convinced though that the life we currently have is destroying us- physically, mentally and spiritually and that there is a need for change. We cannot appreciate God’s way if we see no need to change. A change of heart is required.

So, this week you may wish to write in your journal- examine your life truthfully- what is working and give God praise for that.. ask Him to show you what needs to change- and ask for the help to change.  Remember we cannot change everything at once as this is a life long process in the end. We are making a start. We decide we want to change – we need a change of heart in these areas (name them) and we ask God to show us what these areas are that need His love and grace.

Some people do this step by examining their lives in decades or key times in their lives- like a time line to give them a basis in which to start. Others start with a review of the last day/week/ or month. 

There is some good news in the process apart from the many changes that are possible.  For every major deadly sin, there is an opposite grace to be received- The Virtues.  I have written a series on this  topic, so you might like to let this series accompany you as well on this journey of change of heart.  I IP to find the link).

A reminder: We are doing very personal work here so when using a journal, keep it in a locked/private place where no one can find it except you. We do not need our privacy violated whilst doing this important work. We need to protect ourselves so that we can be truly honest in what we write. This is between God and myself only. Sharing it with a spouse or best friend at this point is not advised.